I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
