I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
