At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
