haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's always time for handjobs
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
