it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
