Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dick very happy bro
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
