I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
