I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
