guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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