Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
