i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
