Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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