:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
