I have demons in me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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