So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
