Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
jump out the window naked night went bad
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
