What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
