I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
