Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
