she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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