So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
