It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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