I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
