just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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