woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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