I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
