Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
