wat bout pragnant strippers??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
