I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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