Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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