Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
