so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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