My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
