If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
