Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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