Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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