I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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