I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
