I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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