I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sarcasm needs its own font
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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