Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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