I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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