I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
