You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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