she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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