haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
