So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
