It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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