hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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