He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
