He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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