I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
