We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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