Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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