I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
