i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
